


pillow talk

by wafflesofdoom



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Light Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Pillow Talk, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-06
Updated: 2017-01-06
Packaged: 2018-09-15 08:07:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9226025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wafflesofdoom/pseuds/wafflesofdoom
Summary: thirteen conversations aaron and robert have in bed over the course of the first year of their relationship.canon compliant up until january 6th.





	

**17th april 2016**

It took Robert a second to remember where he was when he woke up, Aaron’s room unfamiliar to him. He’d been there before, sure, but he’d never stayed over, never woken up there. 

Looking over at a still sleeping Aaron, Robert’s heart fluttered in his chest. 

He couldn’t quite believe he was getting a second chance with him. God knows he didn’t deserve it, not after the way he hurt Aaron during the affair, the heartbreak he’d caused him.

But he was getting the second chance all the same, and this time, he wasn’t going to make a mess of it, Robert had promised himself that much the moment he’d kissed Aaron in the kitchen a few days earlier, the embrace signalling the start of their new beginning.

Aaron had asked him to stay over, after the trial had ended. They were sitting the pub, having had dinner, and Aaron was half asleep at the table - everyone was being so supportive of him, so delighted that Aaron had gotten the justice he'd deserved, but Robert could tell how exhausted Aaron really was, he could clearly see how it was all getting too much for him.

The trial had taken a lot out of Aaron, and it was going to be a while before he wasn’t running on empty. 

Robert had intended on just getting Aaron out of the pub, making him a cup of tea, and sending him to bed, but Aaron had looked at him with a forlorn expression and asked him to say, and well, Robert couldn’t refuse him anything.

He’d borrowed some clothes off Aaron to sleep in, not wanting to push Aaron in anyway. This was new territory for Robert, he was so used to just taking what he wanted, damn the consequences, but this, _them_ , was so precious and fragile and new and Robert wanted it to last.

Aaron shifted beside him, turning to face Robert. He was still half asleep as he opened his eyes, taking a second to remember why Robert was there before he smiled slightly, the expression not quite reaching his eyes.  


“Hiya.” Robert said softly, itching to reach out and touch him. He’d let Aaron make the first move though, he decided - it was only fair. “Sleep alright?” He asked.

“Best sleep I’ve had in ages.” Aaron admitted, a light pink flush appearing on his cheeks. It was so open, and honest, and Robert wanted that forever - he wanted this Aaron, the one soft with sleep and just awake, unable to do anything except be honest.

“Me too.” 

“Really?” Aaron looked surprised.

“Yeah, really.” Robert confirmed. “I wasn’t lying, when I said I missed you.”

“But we’ve never really had this, have we? How could you have missed it?”

“I missed _you_ , guess having you next to me put my mind at ease for the first time in a really long while.” Robert said, tucking one of his arms under his head. They were inches apart, close enough that he could feel Aaron’s breath on his skin.

“Don’t let me down, Robert.” Aaron said suddenly, a pleading tone to his voice. “Because if we get to have all this and suddenly you get bored, I - I wouldn’t be able to cope.”  


“I’d never get bored of you Aaron, don’t ever think that.” Robert said, still resisting the urge to reach out and grab Aaron, pull him close. “I need this as much as you do. Okay?”

“Okay.” Aaron reached out a tentative hand, brushing his thumb along Robert’s cheekbone. He kept it there for a few seconds, before his hand ventured again, cupping Robert’s jawline.

Robert let him explore, not moving so much as an inch.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this.” Aaron commented. “Letting me have all the control.”

“I don’t want to mess this up.” Robert replied, sincere. “I know you need time. I can give you that.”

Aaron nodded, leaning in and pressing a featherlight kiss to Robert’s lips. It barely lasted a second, a closed mouth kiss that wasn’t going to lead anywhere. But it was nice, because it was the first one Aaron had initiated, the first time he’d taken the lead on anything physical since they’d gotten back together.

“I love you.” Robert said quietly, trying to gauge Aaron’s reaction. “I’m not saying that to scare ya off, I’m saying it because I can, and I mean it.”

“Okay.” 

“Yeah?”  


“I can’t.” Aaron shook his head, the rest of his sentence hanging in the air. 

“S’okay. I don’t need to hear it. I just wanted you to know.”

Aaron nodded, and the two of them fell into an easy silence, just lying in each others company. They stayed there for a few minutes before Aaron eased himself out of the cocoon of blankets, sitting up.

“I’m starving.” He admitted, tugging the sleeves of his pyjama top down over his hands. 

“I’d best head off then, eh? Don’t want to be annoying your mum.”

“No, stay, have some breakfast.” Aaron shook his head. “If we’re making a real go of this you’re going to stay over sometimes. Right?”

Robert swallowed, suddenly nervous. “Right.”

Aaron smiled at him, a real, genuine smile. “Might even make you toast if you’re lucky.”

“What more could a fella ask for?”

 

 

**30th may 2016**

“I should have looked out for her better, Robert. How stupid was I, leaving her alone the day before her dad’s funeral?” Aaron was clearly frustrated, staring at the ceiling of his bedroom.

“How were you to know she was going to go off and trash Gordon’s house, Aaron? It wouldn’t have even crossed my mind.” Robert replied, looking at the stupidly massive teddy bear they’d brought back from the theme park.

Aaron had bet him a tenner he wouldn’t be able to win the thing on one of those shooting ranges you got at theme parks, and while Robert had spent fifteen quid trying to win it, it had been worth it when he’d thrusted the bear at Aaron, his boyfriend snorting with laughter and promising he'd _never_ hold it.

It was sitting on the desk chair in Aaron’s room now, looking sad and forlorn. They’d had such a good day, their first good day in a long time, if they were both being honest. They’d gone on a silly amount of rollercoasters, Robert had bought himself a bucket of candyfloss, and they’d snogged like teenagers in the house of mirrors, Aaron looking genuinely happy to be with him for the first time in a while.

And then they’d come home to a furious Chas and a drunk Liv, and the whole day had gone to pot. Robert had hoped for some teasing from Chas about the teddy bear, a quiet pub dinner, and a nice end to a very bloody lovely day.

“Aaron, you weren’t to know.” Robert repeated.

“Can you just go, Robert?”  


“What?” 

“I can’t deal with you right now, I need to be alone.”

“Aaron.” 

“Please, Robert. You’re not really in my good books right now are ya, so lets not make it worse.” Aaron said gruffly, turning over so his back was to Robert.

Robert sighed, shoving back Aaron’s duvet, reaching for his discarded jeans. He couldn’t help but be annoyed, of course he couldn’t - Robert knew Liv was going through it, but he and Aaron were hardly going to be able to make a go of it if his little sister was going to be kicking off every five seconds and putting Aaron in a mood. 

Robert zipped up his jacket, checking he had his keys to Keepers before he tugged on his shoes, not saying a word as he walked across the room.

“Robert?”

Aaron’s quiet voice drew his attention. Robert paused, his hand on the doorknob. “Yeah?” 

“Come round for breakfast tomorrow. Please.”  


However annoyed he was, Robert found himself saying yes, half regretting it as he walked down the stairs, and out into the cool night air.

Bloody Liv.

 

 

**7th june 2016**

“You’re snoring.”

“Shut up.” Robert grumbled, his face buried in Aaron’s shoulder. “This bed is comfy.”

“Mm.”

“Comfier than yours.” 

“Says you, you’ve got a bloody single bed at Victoria’s. Nearly broke my spine when I was over.” 

Robert snorted, remembering the one and only time they’d attempted to have sex in Robert’s room, the entire thing a disaster. Robert was too tall for the bed on his own, and with Aaron in it, well, Robert had managed to smash the glass of water on his bedside locker in the midst of it all, and Aaron had grumbled about how uncomfortable he was for so long, Robert made them sneak back into the pub to sleep at one in the morning.

Robert wrapped an arm around Aaron’s waist, relaxing as Aaron knotted his fingers in his hair. He probably liked that a bit too much, if he was honest, and Aaron used it to his advantage plenty these days, but Robert didn’t mind Aaron having a hold over him. 

“It’s sunny out.” Aaron commented, looking out the window. The sun was streaming in through the thin curtains of their room in the cottage. Robert had found them a last minute deal on a little cottage in the countryside, two rooms and close enough to the nearest village that Liv wouldn’t complain about being trapped in the middle of nowhere with them.

“We should go kayaking or summat, theres an adventure place next town over.” Robert said. “Take advantage and all that.”

“Sounds good.” Aaron said, making no move to get out of bed

“How long do you reckon we’ve got until Liv wakes up and demands breakfast?” Robert asked, shifting so he was half lying on Aaron, looking at him properly for the first time that morning.

He was still getting used to the ‘I’ve just woken up’ Aaron, the one that was soft with sleep and had the most gorgeously fluffy gel free hair. Robert loved every part of him, he really did, but this side of Aaron was special, special because so few had gotten to know it.

“Enough time.” Aaron replied, a grin appearing on his face. 

“Good.” Robert returned the grin, pressing kisses to the underside of Aaron’s jaw, revelling in the way his boyfriend melted into his touch, his fingers running through Robert’s hair, and down his neck, little touches that sent shivers through his body.

“Wait a second.”

“Hm? You alright?” Robert immediately panicked, wondering if he’d done something wrong. Aaron had only been truly uncomfortable with Robert initiating sex once since they’d gotten back together, on the verge of a panic attack when Robert had slipped a hand inside his boxers.

Robert would never forget the look on Aaron’s face the moment it happened as long as he lived, if he was honest.

“I’m good.” Aaron reassured, squeezing Robert’s shoulders gently. “I just wanted to say thanks. For making such an effort with Liv, for organising this so last minute. We needed this - Liv, and you and me.”

Robert smiled warmly. “Anything for you, Aaron.”

 

 

**21st july 2016**

It was amazing, really, to think they were living together. Robert had only moved his stuff into the pub the previous night, not even bothering to unpack it before Aaron had dragged him upstairs, and it was all sort of mad and overwhelming for him - for them both, not that Aaron was going to say it aloud.

Robert didn’t like to think about where they had been a year, nearly to the exact date, and he’d never actually say it to Aaron for fear it would dredge up too many nasty memories, but Robert was scared.

He was scared he was going to wake up and this would all be taken from him, and he’d be the Robert he was a year ago, desperately clinging to his marriage, with the love of his life tied to a radiator and a gun in his hand.

He regretted that day more than anything. More than Katie, more than any other bad thing he’d ever done in his life, and god knows Robert had done a lot of dodgy things in his life.

Robert didn’t deserve him.

Robert didn’t deserve the man lying next to him, the one who was so good, and kind, and loving, despite everything the world had thrown at him. He definitely didn’t deserve him, or the love Aaron gave him.

But he had it, and God, Robert couldn’t believe it, he couldn’t believe that the man lying next to him was his, all his. 

Robert was so determined not to fuck this up.

“You’re thinking too loudly.” Aaron mumbled.

Robert glanced over at his boyfriend, raising an eyebrow. “Mind reader now, are ya?” 

“You got all weird and stiff a half an hour ago.” Aaron said, stretching out. He was wearing a thin, short sleeved t-shirt, one that came up slightly too short on him, exposing the scarred skin of his stomach as he moved.

Aaron didn’t mind Robert seeing his scars, not anymore. Long gone were the early days of their relationship where he’d be determined to keep his t-shirt on - four months on, and he was baring his all to Robert.

“And you noticed?” 

“Course. Couldn’t not notice, what with you sleeping next to me.” Aaron said, shifting closer to Robert. “Small bed, this.”

“Did I kick you?”

“A bit, nothing I’m not used to.” Aaron shrugged. “What’s got you so thoughtful at seven in the morning anyway?”

“Just thinking.”

“Don’t hurt yourself.”

“Haha.” Robert rolled his eyes, still staring at the ceiling. “I just can’t believe we’re here, you know? Living together, making a real go of it. I keep thinking that I’m going to wake up and none of it will have been real, that we’ll be back to where we were a year ago.”

“It’s real.” Aaron said, and as if to further reassure Robert, he reached out, brushing a hand against Robert’s bare stomach. It was getting hotter, the room at the pub stuffy, and Robert had forgone anything other than his boxers to sleep in.

Aaron’s hand was hot against his skin, tracing patterns across his abdomen, his ribcage, every touch so astoundingly _real_.

It dawned on Robert there and then that this was the realest he’d ever been with anyone. There and then, with him and Aaron, there was no hiding, no pretending like he was anything other than Robert Sugden, smart pain in the arse who was alright sometimes, who liked women, and men, and particularly strong coffee.

Robert leaned over and kissed Aaron, trying to say everything he couldn’t say with words, with touch. “You’re not going in to work today, are you?”

“Not a chance.”

 

 

**16th august 2016**

“Mum said she heard you come upstairs ages ago.” 

Robert looked up from where he was lying across his and Aaron’s bed, still fully dressed, having only been bothered to kick off his jacket and shoes when he’d come home a few hours previously. “Mm.”

Aaron knew something was up, of course he knew. Robert watched as his boyfriend kicked off his own sneakers, crawling onto their bed, straddling Robert’s waist. He laid down on top of him, resting his chin on Robert’s chest.

It didn’t feel sexual, and maybe that was just the mood Robert was in, but Aaron’s weight on top of him was a comfort more than anything else. 

“Talk to me.” Aaron nudged, staring at Robert intently.

“Andy’s gone.” Robert explained. “Dunno where. Gave him a fake passport and some money and told him to get as far from here as possible.”

“You gave him a better option than life in prison.” Aaron said. “Attempted murder, even if he only got second degree, would have been fifteen years behind bars. The kids would have been in their twenties by time he got out.”

“And a life on the run is going to be better?”

“He won’t be on the run forever. I’m sure they’ll crack, sooner or later.”

Robert sighed, running a hand through his already messy hair. 

“It’s more than just that, innit?”

“He’s my brother.” Robert murmured. “I know we’re hardly best friends, but I suppose I thought we’d always have time, y’know? That he’d always be in the village winding me up, and one day we’d sort ourselves out.”

Aaron brushed a thumb along Robert’s jawline, offering him a sad smile. “I’m sorry.”

“S’not your fault, he was the idiot that got involved with Chrissie.” 

“It’s not your fault.”

It was like Aaron could read his mind.

“Sort of is though, I’m the reason Chrissie and the rest of her lot live in the village now.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t shove Andy in to bed with her, so you can hardly take the blame.” Aaron said, tracing circles on Robert’s jaw with his fingers, his ministrations relaxing Robert completely.

Robert didn’t say anything, deciding to wrap his arms around Aaron tightly instead. They lay there in silence for a few minutes, the only sound in the room their slow breathing.

“He said you make me a better person.” Robert offered, smiling slightly as Aaron’s hand on his jaw stilled. 

“Had a nice little heart to heart before he went on the run, did ya?” Aaron said, covering up his reaction with a thin veil of sarcasm.

Robert laughed. “We did, actually. He’s not wrong though, you do.”

“Give over.”

“I’m serious!” Robert nudged at Aaron’s chin with his nose, his arms still wrapped around his waist. “Everyone likes me more now I’m with you. Give it another year and I’ll be Mr Emmerdale, I’m telling you.”

“Mr Emmerdale?”

“Yeah, villager of the year.”

“More like village idiot.” Aaron shoved at his face, laughing. “You feeling alright though?”

“I don’t know.” Robert admitted. “But I will be.”

Aaron nodded. “You fancy dinner?”

“Mm. Let’s just stay here for a little while longer, eh?”

Robert swore he heard Aaron mutter ‘soft’ as he nestled his face in Robert’s neck, his breathing warm against Robert’s skin. It was nice, to just lie there and hold Aaron, be held by him, and forget the rest of the world for a bit. 

 

 

**22nd of september 2016**

Robert winced as he twisted in bed, his ankle catching as he did so. Of course he’d managed to go and sprain his flipping ankle, it wasn’t as if _one_ of his plans could go right, could it?

_“I can’t believe you were that stupid, Robert.”_

“I’ve already gotten this lecture from Vic, Aaron.” Robert said, holding his phone close to his ear. “I don’t need it from you.”

_“I’ll lecture you all I want thanks, you were the one who decided sabotaging Chrissie’s stupid tree top thing was a good idea. You realise if anyone had found out she could have had you up on criminal damage?”_

“Good thing I’m the one who got hurt then, innit?” Robert mumbled, glancing over at Aaron’s empty side of the bed. He hated sleeping alone, Robert decided. He’d never particularly minded before, but a week without Aaron and he never wanted to do it again.

He missed the overly warm body that he’d gotten so used to waking up next to every morning since he’d moved in back in July. 

_“Is your foot that bad?”_

“It’s just a light sprain, I’ll live.” Robert said. “Hows France then?”

_“S’alright. It’s a bit boring being here on my own though.”_

“You miss me that much?”

_“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”_

“You been here would help me sleep at night.” Robert sighed, reaching an arm out across their empty bed. Their cramped double had started to feel too big, after weeks of the two of them complaining about having to get used to sleeping on what felt like half an inch of space each.

_“I’ll be home soon.”_ Aaron’s voice was soft.

“You’d better be.” Robert replied, a smile on his face. “Try any snails?”

_“Ugh, no. Are you mad? You’re lucky I’m even trying French beer.”_

“Really branching out there, Aaron.” Robert snorted. 

_“I know what I like.”_

Robert shifted slightly, his arm cramping from holding his phone to his ear. They’d been on the phone for twenty minutes already, the connection a bit static because of the crappy Wifi in the hotel Aaron was staying in.

“Your mum gave me absolute stink for talking to you until all hours last night.” 

_“Should probably let you go then, eh?”_

“Probably. I don’t want you to though.” Robert replied, imagining the look on Aaron’s face as he spoke. He’d pull a face as if Robert was being too sappy, but he’d get this look in his eyes, this soft look that made sure Robert knew he didn’t mind the softness. 

_“Alright soft lad. I’ll ring ya tomorrow.”_

“Love ya.” Robert anticipated the silence from Aaron, the split second where he hoped Aaron would reply passing before he heard a soft goodbye from his boyfriend, and then, silence. 

He’d say it one day, Robert was sure, but today wasn’t the day apparently.

Closing his eyes, Robert willed himself to sleep and ignore the emptiness of their bed. 

He’ll be home soon. 

 

 

**25th october 2016**

“Robert, you’re going to do your back in if you keep sleeping on that chair.” Aaron commented, raising an eyebrow as his lanky boyfriend (fiancé, they were engaged now) attempted to fold himself into a comfortable position on the chair in the corner of Aaron’s hospital room.

Robert shrugged. “Well, I’m staying here, so don’t try and give me the same speech Vic did earlier about needing to go home.”

“I don’t want you to go.” Aaron admitted, chewing on the side of his lip. “C’mere.”

“Aaron, that hospital bed is tiny, don’t be silly.”

“Don’t argue with me Robert, I nearly died.”

“You can’t use that as a way of getting me to do whatever you want me to.” Robert commented, standing up out of the chair irregardless. He crossed the hospital room in a few short steps, watching as Aaron shifted over as far as he could. 

“I’ll do what I like, thanks.” 

Robert rolled his eyes, but laid down next to Aaron, keeping his arms and legs to himself, doing his best to avoid Aaron’s tender stomach and the new stitches that decorated his abdomen.

“Thank you.” Aaron breathed softly, not quite looking at Robert. “For not giving up on me.”

“I never would have, Aaron.” Robert replied. “Either we were both going to get out of that car, or -“

“Don’t.” Aaron interrupted, blinking back tears.

“I never would have left you.” Robert said firmly. “Aaron, I couldn’t live without you.” 

“Thats no reason to drown with me when you didn’t have to.” Aaron said, his voice small.

“I haven't got a life worth living without you.” 

“Don’t say things like that.”

“Why? It’s true.”

“I just don’t like it.” Aaron admitted, not pulling away when Robert reached for his hand, locking their fingers together tightly. Their hands rested on Aaron’s chest, well away from his recovering liver.

Robert nodded, pressing his face to Aaron’s shoulder, breathing deeply. He wasn’t sure what happened, honestly, but one second he was alright, and the next he was sobbing into the material of Aaron’s hospital gown, unable to stop the onslaught of tears. 

“Rob? Robert, it’s alright, don’t cry.”

“I’ve never been so scared in my entire life.” Robert admitted, clinging tightly to Aaron as he cried, the emotion of the last couple of days catching up to him all at once. “When you went under, in the car - there was this moment when I thought I’d lost you forever.” 

“I’m here.” Aaron reassured, stroking his thumb across the back of Robert’s hand. “I’m not going anyway. You put a ring on it, remember?” 

Robert smiled through his tears, his face still pressed to Aaron’s shoulder, revelling in how solid and real his fiancé felt. “I love you, Aaron.”

“Love you too. Now go to sleep, soft lad.”

 

 

**29th november 2016**

“I really am sorry I lied to you.” Robert murmured, running a hand through Aaron’s hair. His gel hadn’t exactly held up under Robert’s hands, Robert happy to continue working Aaron’s natural curls free as they lay in bed, still in that blissful post-sex stage when they could ignore how hot and sweaty they both felt.

It would be about five minutes before Aaron decided he needed to have a shower before he could even chance going to sleep, and about six before Robert agreed and the two of them snuck down the hallway to go for another round under the spluttering spray of the Woolpack shower.

But it meant they still had five minutes. 

“I don’t want ya to lie to me about anything.” Aaron replied, his head on Robert’s chest and his fingers tracing patterns along Robert’s ribcage. Robert loved this, he loved getting to have Aaron wrapped around him and be completely pliant and comfortable against him.

“I’m trying.”

“I know.” Aaron nodded, his beard scratching against Robert’s chest. “But maybe you should try a little harder, eh? Because I don’t want us to get married and have all this still going on.”

“It won’t be, I promise.” Robert said, pressing a kiss to the top of Aaron’s head. “We could start planning, you know.”

“I told you, we’re not having a big do.” 

“We could elope.” Robert grinned. “Go to Vegas.”

Aaron snorted. “Yeah, alright.”

“You said you’ve always wanted to go!”

“To see the Grand Canyon and all that, not get married by some tacky Elvis lookalike.” Aaron shifted, a clear sign he was about to decide it was shower time. 

“I just want to marry you.” Robert admitted, tracing his thumb along Aaron’s bottom lip.

Aaron pressed a kiss to his lips, smiling against Robert’s mouth. “And I just want a shower.”

Robert nodded. “I’ll follow you in a second.” 

 

 

**2nd december 2016**

“We really are okay, aren’t we?” Robert hated how insecure he sounded as he looked at Aaron, trying to gauge his fiancés reaction. It was early morning, too early to be awake really, but it’s not like they’d had the best nights sleep.

Aaron had been tossing and turning all night, and a nightmare had woken them both up around five am, and that had been that, really. 

No more sleep for either of them.

“I’m not going to give up on us just because you’re being an idiot, Robert.” Aaron didn’t quite look at him, shift and unyielding as he lay as far from Robert as he possibly could. 

Robert nodded. “I’ll be better.”

“You say that a lot.”

“I always mean it.”

Aaron sighed. “I know.” He seemed to relent, twisting so he was looking at Robert properly. “Sorry I woke you up.”

“You don’t ask to have nightmares.” Robert shrugged his apology off. They’d had this same conversation so many times during their nine months as a couple, and it always went the same way.

“Doesn’t mean I’m not sorry.”

“Are you alright though, really? Adam won’t mind if you take the morning off.” Robert said. Adam, for all his faults, was a brilliant friend - he never questioned a text from Robert telling him Aaron needed a bit of time and he'd be in during the afternoon at some stage, and sometimes his brother-in-law would respond with a simple ‘tell him to take the day.’

“A cup of coffee and some brekkie will sort me out.” Aaron said, watching as the clock ticked over to six am, a somewhat more acceptable time to get up and turn the kettle on. Chas never brought up their occasional early morning start, and the one time Charity had tried to, the blonde Dingle had earned a slap across the back of the head. 

“I’ll get the sarnies on then, shall I?” Robert swung his legs out of bed, searching for a pair of tracksuit bottoms.

“Robert?”

“Yeah.”

“Love you.”

Robert’s heart swelled. “Love you too.”

 

 

**6th january 2017**

Robert was exhausted.

Not the good type of exhausted, the ‘it was my fiancés birthday yesterday and we had the best sex of our lives all night’ kind of exhausted, he felt mentally exhausted. He knew that he couldn’t blame Aaron for feeling the way he did - Robert was hardly the picture of good and faithful, and it’s not like Aaron had known much love and stability in his life, but Robert was still exhausted.

Exhausted that even grand gestures weren’t enough.

Robert wasn’t stupid. He knew that the whole loving someone enough to fix their broken pieces thing was a ridiculous myth, and he could love Aaron all he wanted and his mental health issues would always be there, but sometimes Robert wished he could love Aaron enough for him to get over his insecurities.

Pity that wasn’t how it all worked.

Looking over at Aaron, Robert knew he was awake - just like Aaron knew he was awake, neither of them particularly ready to start their day, go about their new daily routine of plastering over the cracks in their relationship.

Closing his eyes, Robert listened to Aaron’s slow and steady breathing.

It would be alright in the end, he knew that much. He and Aaron, they hadn’t been to hell and back for it not to work out, for them not to get their happy ending. It was just that right now, it felt impossible, and it felt too hard, and Robert felt like he was never going to figure out how they were going to work, really work and be happy together.

Five more minutes.

Five more minutes and he’d kiss him good morning, and they’d go to work, and they’d have a weekend away in Manchester, and some time alone, and they needed that, they really did.

Just, five more minutes first.

 

 

**8th february 2017**

It was three am and they were still awake. That hadn’t happened in a while, and Robert wished it was for good reason. 

“Are you going to give up on me? Because I get it, if you don’t want to do this anymore. I’m more trouble than I’m worth, I know.”

“If I thought you were more trouble than you were worth, Aaron, why would I have stuck around for this long?” Robert didn’t mean to sound pissed off, but it felt like they’d spent weeks going round, and round in circles, and it was enough to test the patience of a saint.

“The court hearing is the 3rd of March.”

“I know.”

“I can’t get sent down, Robert. I wouldn’t be able to cope with being inside again.”

“You won’t get sent down. Why d’you think I’ve gone and got you the best solicitor in Leeds to represent you? You’ll be fine.”

“You won’t wait for me, if I do get sent down though, will ya?” Aaron was tearful, his gaze fixed on the ceiling.

“Of course I’ll wait for you, you idiot.” Robert rolled over, grabbing Aaron’s chin and forcing him to look at him. “I have stuck by you for over a year now. When did I ever give you the impression I wasn’t willing to wait?”

Aaron was crying now, properly crying, tears rolling down his already red cheeks. “I wouldn’t wait for me.”

“Well, good thing I’m not you then, isn’t it?” Robert looked at him intently. “I didn’t ask you to marry me for a laugh, Aaron. I’m in this for the long haul, and if that means having to visit you in prison for a few months - which won’t happen, by the way - then I’ll do it.” 

“Why?”  
  
“Because I love you, Aaron. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone in my entire life, and nothing you can do, or say will ever change that.” Robert said. “I’d marry you tomorrow if I could.”

“But I just make a mess of everything, Robert.” Aaron sobbed, trying to tear his gaze away from Robert. “We’re supposed to be going to Vegas and I mightn’t even get a fucking holiday visa now.”

Robert didn’t ease up on his grip, making sure Aaron continued to look at him. “I don’t care about Vegas. We can go on another holiday. We can go to Vegas in a few months, when all this blows over.”

He hated seeing Aaron cry. Robert hated when he got like this, when he couldn’t stop the tears, couldn’t stop the hysterical sobs that ripped through Robert’s heart every time one escaped Aaron’s mouth.

“I don’t want to feel like this anymore.” Aaron admitted, shutting his eyes tightly. 

“Like what?”

“Like everything is going to come crashing down around me.”

“Aaron, you need to talk to someone.” Robert shook his head. “God knows you’ve needed to talk to someone for a while now, but you need to go to a counsellor.”

“I know.” Aaron choked out through his tears.

“We’ll get you an appointment with the best counsellor I can find, okay? Money no object Aaron.”

“I j-just want to feel better.” 

“And you will. If you let me find you proper help, Aaron.” 

Aaron didn’t reply, breaking down completely in Robert’s arms. Robert held him close, not able to do anything except listen to Aaron cry.

Three am and it was looking like they weren’t going to get a wink of sleep that night at all.

 

 

**21st march 2017**

“Poke me one more time, Robert, and I’ll batter ya.”

“Sorry tough guy, I forgot I was dealing with a proper thug.”

Aaron reached out, punching Robert in the stomach half heartedly. “You’re an idiot.”

“Yeah, but you love me.” Robert pressed a kiss to Aaron’s bare shoulder, smirking against his skin.

“S’pose.”

“Bit late to back out now Dingle, you did marry me.” 

Aaron twisted, turning to look at Robert. “Only did it to stay out of prison.”

“Oh, haha.” Robert rolled his eyes. “What time have you got counselling at again?”  


“11.” Aaron stifled a yawn, stretching out. “You fancy meeting me for lunch after? Spend the day in Leeds?”

“Sounds good.” Robert nodded. “I’ve not got much on work wise today anyway, I’d rather skive off with you.”

“If Nicola kicks up a fuss just tell her my counsellor approved it.” Aaron leaned over and kissed Robert, soft and slow. “What time is it?”

“Nine, why?”

Aaron grinned. “Plenty of time before I need to leave and drive to Leeds.”

“I’ll drive ya.”  


“You don’t have to."

“I don’t do anything I don’t want to do.” Robert said, moving so that he was straddling Aaron’s naked thighs, pushing his husbands hands up over his head. “What did you need plenty of time for by the way?”  


“For you to iron my shirt because mum refused to?” Aaron said hopefully.

Robert rolled his eyes. “Fine. You owe me though.”

Aaron grinned up at him, his eyes bright. “I think I’ll have more than made it up to you before you even get that iron in your hand, Rob.”

 

 

**14th april 2017**

“We’ve been together a whole year.” Robert commented, the room dark around them. They’d moved into the Mill a week previously, the house brand new and still smelling faintly of paint.

“Mm.”

“You happy?”

Aaron turned to look at him, his silhouette fuzzy in the dark. “Happiest I’ve ever been.” 

Robert buried his face in Aaron’s neck, holding him close. “Good.”

**Author's Note:**

> i mean there's literally no real point to this fic but i hope you enjoyed it all the same! 
> 
> this was born entirely out of my need to see aaron and robert communicate properly. i'm robertsuggles over on tumblr if you ever want to flail about emmerdale!


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